I talk about Lucy being my oldest, but I really feel like my little brother, Jacob, was almost like a son to me. I even named him! (Okay, so I suggested the name, my parents went for it). He was born when I was 14 and I definitely played a "second mom" role in his life, especially the first four years of it until going to college. I feel guilty as I am probably not the most fun big sister to a nine-year-old boy these days, but he is an incredible uncle. When watching him over weekends and such, he even tells me I am "more strict than Mom and Dad".
His life has impacted mine immensely and has changed our family dynamic in so many ways. I would not be the mom I am today having not had Jacob as a little brother.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die
Grace the cover of Rolling Stone...even if it means wearing leather pants and no real top...
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you
My Mama!
(seen here holding Lucy...probably about two years ago)
Occasionally mistaken for being my sister, my mom a) is in better shape than I am and turned 50 last year, b) is a gifted fashion designer, c) owns and runs her own art business and gallery and d) has raised two now adult children and now Jacob all while staying involved with her granddaughters and volunteering. She's incredible. Every time I make a list (from grocery shopping to to-do lists) I like to think I am making my mom proud. She's a list-maker :)
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Running. I have a love/hate relationship with running, but right now it has taken a predominate role in my life as I train for my upcoming 5K race in May. I have to thank my friend Monica for really pushing me and motivating me to do this training. I was reminding her yesterday of this post where I asked for workout partner applicants. She not only asked if she could join me, but she has taken much more initiative than myself and pushed me and held me accountable. I am so very grateful. Thank you, Monica!
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity
I will spare you a picture, but still share with you my biggest insecurity. My thighs. Well, my butt and thighs. Actually, my butt, hips and thighs....oh, and then there are my knees....
For as long as I can remember I have loathed my legs, namely my thighs. It doesn't matter how big or skinny I am at any given point, my thighs are still there. They are still dimply, too big for the rest of my body, they are still my thighs. I have mentioned before I do not, under any circumstance, wear any dress or skirt that hits above my knee. If there is one thing I hate as much as my thighs, well, it's my knees. I remember feeling self conscious of my thighs at a very early age, even before Kindergarten.
Until starting my blog, losing weight is something I have always been to embarrassed to talk about. Recently, I have kept a light sense of humor about all of this weight loss business, joking here and there about my new love handles since carrying babies, that lovely loose skin on my tummy, and again, the thunder thighs. I stopped dead in my tracks recently, though, when Lucy asked me, "Mommy, will this banana make me fat?" I was heartbroken to think in a few short years my daughter could have the same low self esteem or poor body image I once did (and admittedly at times still have). I felt so guilty and responsible that my two-year-old would even know the word "fat".
It's amazing how I, as a mother, absolutely obsess over my girls' squishy little bodies. I am simply in love with everything about them. Rolls and all, I find true happiness with a puffy little cheek pressed against mine. I love their bellies, I love their wrist rolls, their cankles, but most of all....I love their thighs. I love how shapely and sassy Lucy's plump little legs bounce around in a pair of skinny jeans and the exaggerated sway in Clara's hips as she crawls toward me, dragging along all that junk in her trunk. This is how God created them and this is what a real meat-eating girl looks like. They are full, round, and...
...mine!
It took until Clara was a couple of months old, but one day I had an epiphany. How ironic that the one thing I would hate the most on my own body would be the thing I found to be most endearing in my children. I truly love these round thighs.
The legs I used to curse my mother for passing along to me, I have in fact passed along to my daughters. Suddenly, these two tree trunks stopped weighing me down or holding me back from feeling as confident as these precious girls who are so comfortable in their own baby skin.
Seeing these same legs on these two amazingly beautiful tiny bodies has given me a completely new perspective. Like it or not, my legs are a part of me and my identity. They are the reason I can pull off a fitted pencil skirt and the gift I have been given to push a double stroller with super strength.
I am now vowing to embrace my Greek goddess (pear)-like figure and be proud to wear it...even in a pair of skinny jeans. I am newly thankful that I will never be a supermodel (lack of) shape. After all, these are the hips, butt, thighs and even knees, that have held up and carried two other beautiful, growing, young women.
And that is nothing to be insecure about.
I totally hear you on the thigh/butt problem area. I have a love/hate relationship with it as well. I loved your post because it made me look at it in a whole new way. Thanks :)
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