And she's back

While many people prefer the summer months, I am a spring and fall kinda girl myself.  I feel refreshed and giddy when the sun is shining earlier than usual and the birds are waking me up.  As a little girl, I remember my dad telling me that my birthday is when I start to see the leaves growing on trees after winter.  I have always preferred my dad's time stamp better than the date on a calendar.  I wish I could say I am feeling all of these lovely, optimistic thoughts, but Spring seems yet to arrive.

With the changing of seasons, I seem to always remember years past and what I was doing at this time of year previously.  While I used to associate my own birthday with Spring, I now associate it change.  As we close in on May, I think back three years ago.  Three years?  Really? Wow. It seems like May 2008 was just yesterday.  Then again, so much has happened since that at times it feels so far back. 

Three years ago this May, I had Lucy.  Three years ago this May, Tony graduated from college.  And I turned 21.  And we bought a house together.  And Tony started his first real job.  A lot of life happened in a little time for us three years ago. 

Being a sucker for nostalgia, I always have a really hard time with birthdays and milestones for Lucy and Clara. (Don't even get me started on my own birthdays post 21) The thought of having a three year old feels like I am hanging on for dear life to those toddler years.  Four-year-olds are like real kids - not babies.  And, yes, Lucy is still a baby to me.  Clara is about to walk and I am trying to fight the urge to distract her from concentrating on standing and taking steps.  I am becoming more aware everyday that I cannot hold these little girls back.

Just last night after dinner, Tony and I were doing dishes together and Lucy was playing with her magnetic letters and numbers on the fridge.  Tony hushed me and we listened as Lucy was singing to herself a little jingle that went, "L-U-C-Y".  Yes, my two year old apparently knows how to spell her name and, yes, I just bragged about my kids in my blog.  I am that annoying.

I ran into an old friend a couple of weeks ago out in a bar in downtown Minneapolis.  I have not seen or talked to him in years and upon reuniting unexpectedly, Chris admitted to me that he reads my blog  (Hi, Chris!).  I was very flattered when he told me that when he is my age, he wants to have my life and enjoys reading the ins and outs of my days.  We laughed as we realized that he is actually a year older than me.  I share this story not to go on about how great I think my life is, but because I was so grateful to be reminded of how blessed I am.

In recent past, I have had friends in similar situations (for lack of a better word) to mine and have seen them choose different routes.  Not that it had anything to do with me, but I couldn't help but feel offended to think that they looked at my life, and the outcome of choices I have made, and want to diverge.  It makes me feel like they think they have something better to do with their life than mine.  As if my life pales in comparison to whatever having a baby would impose upon them.  Better yet, I have had other women (who, btw, are now SAHM's themselves) tell me that they wouldn't dare stay home after having a baby because it would be "a waste of their college degree".  Thank you for telling me you think your time is more valuable than mine.  Ouch. 

I am not saying everyone should be like me and do the things I do, but I will say it felt really wonderful and I felt fortunate when Chris shared his admiration for what I do.  Thank you, Chris, for making this little stay-at-home-mom feel like a true gem ;). 

Side note:  I can't stop obsessing over someone who asked me recently, "You aren't going to have a third anytime soon, right, because Clara is so clingy?"  So you're saying I shouldn't have more....not sure if I should be offended or laugh?

Now about this running business.  I will say I am feeling a bit defeated, a bit sorry for myself (I know, pathetic, really) and a bit irritated that I am officially the same weight that I was at Christmas.  I have been working on it these past couple of months, and that last ten pounds does not seem to want to let go.  I have been told over and over that it's much harder to lose the weight after the second baby, but I was hoping that was just one of those annoying cliche things that people tell you like giving birth a second time is faster and easier.  (LIES!!)  I thought this running routine would really push me over the edge.  I do feel thinner, but clothes are not fitting the way I would like them to yet, and the scale won't seem to budge.  What gives?


Off to bed for me.  I have a little girl to watch attempt to sing again tomorrow.  Video to follow, I'm sure!